Something about Relationships
We are all about… relationships. Our relationships define us [significantly].
- Friends
- Spouse
- Children
- Parents
- Siblings
- Neighbours
- Fans
- Colleagues…
But why we need relationships? I am not a social scientist, but one guess is that all relationships in our life have come up because we have certain needs to fulfil — physical, mental, emotional, social, financial and so on.
And if that’s true, relationships will be fragile if that certain type of need is not fulfilled.
Alternate is… to live without having any relationship. To aspire for completeness within yourself… but that’s not my topic today.
I can vouch for the statement that “the quality of your relationships contributes significantly to the quality of your life”.
But if we don’t look at the fundamental premise behind relationships, we can never do justice to the relationships we have.
At the core, we are trying to somehow make ourselves happy by building different types of relationships. Making friends, getting married, having children, starting a professional relationship — because somewhere we believe this will bring us happiness. This pushes us to squeeze some happiness out of people. This leads to all kind of troubles.
A lot of relationships I know today are so fragile — yet cosmetically stable. It’s like “cannot do without it, cannot do with it”. There is no sense of joy or happiness within. This is leading to a frustrated or rather constipated society.
Let’s build towards what I call “Joyful Relationships”.
Joyful, not Perfect. Because perfect is a myth.
To have a joyful relationship, you need 2 things:
- Compassion
- Clarity
Compassion is not a soft skill. It’s the most essential, and perhaps the rarest skill today.
It’s a sweet spot between empathy and grace.
It’s the art of accepting others. It’s understanding that others may not like what you like, and others don’t think the way you think, and others may not see the world with your lens — and while doing all this, being graceful. That’s compassion. And relationships need compassion. If you are not social, it is not a strong reason for your spouse to be anti-social. If you choose to be highly principled, it’s not the perfect reason for your friend to avoid being casual.
Once compassion comes in, clarity starts finding its way.
And clarity is what makes relationship truly joyful.
Relationships are not about winning and losing. Relationships are all about journeys.
Do you know of a perfect family? Perfect parents? Perfect anything or anyone?
Facebook or Instagram may tell you that there are perfect people… but you how it works. Right!
Life has ups and downs, and so do relationships. When we lose this perspective, we may feel empty when things are not going right. Clarity and perspective guide us through the ups and downs in our lives and guide us through the good or bad times for relationships.
Remember, for joyful relationships, it is very important that you become dispenser of joy instead of trying to extract joy out of others. Relationships are growing into a total chaos now because we are constantly using / demanding it to enhance our lives. We are trying to fill the gaps in our lives with relationships. This will always lead to tension.
If relationship is about extracting something out of somebody, it does not matter how much you manage, there will be constant struggle. If relationship is a compassionate offering to person who is next to you right now, then everything would be fantastic.
Final thought…
The most frustrated of the readers will be looking outward. They might be thinking how others can start with being joyful and they will catch up.
The most beautiful souls will think about being compassionate in their next conversation.
Choice is yours!
